I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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