I must be too annoying 4 u.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm like, not good at living.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
