I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
