You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need a beard to bite.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
