DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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