My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
