So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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