Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
