in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
