Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
