Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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