Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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