dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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