Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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