wat bout pragnant strippers??
We named our party play list daddy issues
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
smell my finger.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
