I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
