just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
