I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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