Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
