I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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