never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
