I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
