so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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