We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
