you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
