my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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