how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
