I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
