We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
