i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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