I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
