I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
