i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
