Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
