i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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