You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
