I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
