is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
