haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
