That's intense
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
