so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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