I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
