i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
