My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
