Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
