I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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