the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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