hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
