I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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