I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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