Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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