I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
