Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
