evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
