You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
