You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
