I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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