I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
