I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
