I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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